Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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