just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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