there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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