Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
