the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
