So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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