So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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