I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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