I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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