"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
