he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
