he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
