I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
