he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
