Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
