party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
