my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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