Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
