I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
