I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
