Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
