His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
