I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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