I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
