where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
