did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
