I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
