im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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