Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she looked like the before picture.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just blew my weed a kiss
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
