Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
