So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
