he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
