Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
my liver is dry heaving
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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