There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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