You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
