sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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