your thong is hanging out like whoa
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who put my cat in the fridge?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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