I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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