well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
