The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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