He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
