I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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