so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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