Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
