Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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