new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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