You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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