Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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