so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
