I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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