What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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