before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
