Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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