my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
