I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
