hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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