Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
