for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
