He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
