I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just forgot I was standing up.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
