I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
