I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
