In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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