before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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