peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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