I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
