She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
