the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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