omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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