Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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