he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
