my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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