I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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