Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
