I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
