we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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