Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My first STD was from a foam party
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
